Gamertell

1Up posted a very fun feature today about the essential drugginess of many classic games. It’s a countdown of the top five, everything from the munch-centric antics of Pac-Man to the mushroom use of Super Mario Bros. all the way to the blatant pill-popping of Dr. Mario.

You know, they’re missing a few classics. Like Space Invaders (paranoid fantasy?) and Yoshi’s Island (remember those trippy “fuzzies”?) and even Sonic the Hedgehog (speed - it’s not just about velocity). Check out the post for the usual (1Up writer) Scott Sharkey humor. And post in the comments if you have other good suggestions!

Read [1Up]

• Are you contributing to the Videogame Karma-geddon!?
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• GameDaily lists 10 tastiest Pokemon

A recent GameDaily article entitled “Top Ten Pokemon We’d Like to Eat” answers a question many Pokemon fans have debated and wondered about -  if pokemon are edible. The author of the article certainly seems to think so, and the games certainly don’t suggest differently. In fact, the descriptions for each of the choices make quite a bit of sense and may get you hankering for a Magikarp fillet with panko breading. Yum.

Click through to see GameDaily’s top ten and a few which I think should have made the list.

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Tuesday was certainly an eventful day for DS owners. Two very intriguing titles came out on the same day. These are instant classics. Games which will remain in your system for at least two weeks straight.

Of course I’m talking about Assassin’s Creed: Altair’s Chronicles and Zoo Tycoon 2.

This kind of event leaves everyone in a tizzy! You have to decide which one to buy, play and love forever. Plus, when there are such quality titles like these, you can’t just rush in. You have to weigh the two sides evenly against each other and determine the pros and cons before making a life changing decision. So we’re going to match up and examine the two titles, side by side, in some very pertinent categories and see which one stands out.

Read on to discover which title is truly the superior game.

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If you ever want to read something that is so funny yet thought provoking, you have to check out a commentary-style feature on Gamer Help called Video Game Karma-geddon by Barf Deity.

It’s not what he says that makes it so funny, its that you can so totally identify who he’s ranting about and the supporting photos.

His first rant, titled “Online Griefers,“ features an old photo of Hilter and a description of the people he’s identified as Online Griefers.

“The Crime: Online griefers are responsible for the following, plus a whole lot more: Acting like an idiot online; spouting racial and homosexual slurs to random strangers; cheating with hacks; team killing; in short, ruining the online experience for everyone else while also being a giant ball of failure.“

Wait. It gets better when he suggests a form of punishment befitting of the crime. For the online griefer, Deity suggests they receive the same abuse they unleash on the internet world only for real in the real world, but in a more colorful way.

The one that got me going fell under the title: “People who buy up Wiis so they can sell them on eBay.“ I’m sure Wii is used as an example because I remember my search for the PS3 60GB console and not finding a single on in the stores. Yet, strangely there’s an overabundance of them on eBay for far more than the system really costs and those priced below $200 were either broken or missing key pieces of the system to make it work in the first place.

But just as the previous title, it gets better when Diety suggests that:

“everyone guilty of doing this will come down with a stomach virus that gives them explosive diarrhea and large amounts of smelly gas,“ he wrote. “The good news is that there is a cheap and readily available medication that will alleviate the symptoms for 24 hours. The bad news, for them at least, is that every store is sold out and the only way to get the medication is on eBay, where the price per pill has nearly quadrupled. We suggest you stay close to the toilet and keep the windows open, jerks.“

His next target is fanboys, which he describes as the kissing cousin of the online griefer except that a fanboy expresses fond hatred for game consoles they do not own. Diety’s solution to the matter? Filling their hateful blogs with rosy praises for the very consoles they claim to hate. “This will utterly confound the fanboys, and soon enough people will remember how to converse like actual human beings and not chemically-imbalanced lab monkeys,“ Diety explained in his blog.

But just so the griefers and fanboys won’t feel singled out for a good mob beat-down, Diety goes all out for lazy developers publishing garbage bin games, know it all politicians who really don’t know it all, irresponsible parents and pirates. For the full and colorful effect, you simply must check out Diety’s Video Game Karma-geddon. You’ll relate to what he’s saying in at least one of the categories, if not two or three.

Read [Gamer Help]

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With the World of Warcraft expanding celebrity appearances aren’t really necessary but they do make the commercials more memorable. The latest commercials feature William Shatner and Mr. T, and coming soon Verne Troyer (aka, Mini-Me) asking viewers “What’s Your Game?”

First commercial features Mr. T and his Night Elf Mohawk which are simply hilarious. I think my sides are still aching from laughing two days ago. Nothing funnier than Mr. T saying “Shut up, Fool! Maybe Mr. T hacked into your computer and created a Mohawk Night Elf class [ramblings I can’t explain without falling on the ground laughing] had that occurred to you Mr. Condescending Director?”

Mr. T on World of Warcraft commercial

Just when I could breathe again, the next ad is released featuring William Shatner and his Shaman. “You’re no doubt wondering ‘Hey, Shatner, how do I hurl bolts of lightening?’ Simple, get World of Warcraft dog. You can be anyone you want.”

William Shatner on World of Warcraft commercial

No release date on when Verne Troyer’s commercial is going to air or what character he’s going to be in the World of Warcraft but I’m sure it will be just as funny as Mr. T and William Shatner’s commercial or the super bowl ad that had us in stitches back in September.

Tacoma Ad on World of Warcraft

“Did you see me lay down the law? I’m the law giver!”

Site [World of Warcraft] Site [Blizzard Entertainment]

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Final Fantasy A+, a hilarious Final Fantasy Flash-based animation, has developed a small cult following on the web. The animation features fantastic animation, an amusing story and all the Final Fantasy staples. The animation was created by John Su (Mousekliks) for a high school Japanese final exam - don’t worry though, the animation is subtitled.

While the video itself is fairly old (it was originally submitted to New Grounds in April 2004) it has seen a sudden, more recent resurgence in popularity thanks to blogs and the appearance of the short on other websites.

The video follows a whole new Final Fantasy crew as they face off against something they have never experienced before, school. Okay, FFVIII did have a military school, but this is school school, not soldier-training school. In an atmosphere similar to FFV or FFVI, three young boys must battle homework, pop quizzes, tests, and final exams. You have to watch and see if Pensuke, Atticus, and Cid can possibly succeed.

It really is hilarious. My favorite part is definitely the Chocobo Cram School attack. Keep an eye out for it, you’ll love it.

Read [Girl_Gamers] Watch [Final Fantasy A+]

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Today’s chuckle is brought to us by a random hacker who decided that November 20, 2007, would be a good day to alter the EB Games listing for the Wii version of Pimp My Ride. The box art image has been changed to show the box art from the Sega Dreamcast title Ecco the Dolphin: Defender of the Future. Apparently this alteration is fairly recent, as one of the first mentions of it online is through a LiveJournal community called Girl_Gamers. Due to the nature of the image, it is doubtful that this unlikely replacement is some sort of mix-up on EB Game’s part.

I wonder what exactly Ecco has been up to that would merit a Teen rating. I guess he’s just growing up and isn’t the same dolphin which did Ecco Jr. in 1995. To be perfectly honest though, if it were a Pimp My Dolphin game, it would totally be worth $39.99. Of course it also begs the question of how one would exactly pimp a dolphin. I’m sure it would involve various paints, and perhaps some makeup or a little hat of some sort. I suppose the closest we’ll really ever get to knowing is Petz Wild Animals: Dolphinz.

And while we’re on the topic of Ecco, we have to wonder when the eco-friendly dolphin will return to the world of video games. NiGHTS and Samba are both staging their comebacks. Perhaps this little publicity boost is all Ecco needs to get his flippers in gear..

Read [Girl_Gamers] Site [EB Games]

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When wealthy Texas businessman, Richard H. Collins, decided to campaign against Sen. Hillary Clinton’s presidential bid, he began creating anti-Hillary websites. With Thanksgiving coming up, he also included an interactive Whack-a-Turkey Flash game featuring Clinton as a pilgrim bopping presidential candidates on the head, a la Whack-a-Mole.

“While there is a place for negative advertising, we’ve heard so much of it that we’re almost immune to name-calling. But we’re always eager to hear a new joke. Humor can be an effective political tool,” Collins said.

Collins is so concerned about Clinton’s presidential bid that he has created StopHerNow, an anti-Hillary website that features news, humor and public views about Clinton. The free Flash-based game allows the player to controls Clinton, dressed in a pilgrim outfit, who bops a variety of pop-up presidential candidates with a virtual mallet to scores points. Former president Bill Clinton will earn the players double points when whacked. In fact, when Bill is whacked the animated Hillary shouts “Hit Bill Again!”

Collins, a community newspaper publisher and online education entrepreneur from Dallas, has raised millions of dollars over the past three decades for Republicans such as conservative icon Jesse Helms to establishment favorite Kay Bailey Hutchison. He claims that when Clinton complains about a conspiracy against her that she’s talking about him, stating, “The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is alive and well and flourishing in Red State America and I’m glad to be a part of it.”

Collins said he hopes his humor will be strong enough of a potent weapon against Clinton to knock her out of the running since most of the younger viewers favor getting their political news from comedians Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, that the game and his humor will be more effective than negative information or name-calling.

“No profanity,” he said. “Chelsea is off-limits. No gay-bashing. And Bill’s womanizing is OK, but we don’t name names unless they’re public knowledge. Hillary has used the woman-as-victim routine throughout her career. She claims she’s a woman. We say she’s the front-runner, no different than anyone else.”

While Collins acknowledges that some Republicans remain skeptical of his approach through comedy and games, the Democrats don’t mind because they feel this approach will only create more sympathy than antipathy for Clinton. Collins and his comrades feel humor is the best cure for the public who is tired of watching negative ads.

“It’s easy to be mean,” Bell said. “It’s hard to be funny. It’s even harder to be funny and clever.”

Clever, as well as fun, is what this game is about.

Read [The Houston Chronicle] Site [Stop Her Now] Play [Whack-A-Turkey game]

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South Park is gaining quite a reputation with gaming-related episodes lately. The comedy series made waves with its “Make Love, Not Warcraft” episode, featured the Wii prominently in another episode last year, and just last night, debuted “Guitar Queer-O”, which pokes fun at the wildly popular music series.

According to the South Park production blog, the show hit pretty close to home for the self-confessed “nerds” who serve as production assistants:

“Tonight’s episode is all about the game Guitar Hero, which is a subject I’ve talked about before in the production blog. For those who don’t know games or live under a rock, Guitar Hero is a video game that simulates being a rockstar, complete with guitar shaped controller and imaginary fans. GH is especially near and dear to our hearts because it:

It allows you to pretend you’re cool.
It makes you think you might actually have some skill at playing guitar.
Girls don’t hate it.”

But it gets much funnier:

“Which is why tonight’s episode is a sobering experience. After watching it come together I feel like maybe we flew a little too close to the nerdy sun with Guitar Hero. Maybe we should take a step back and look at the dark side of being a Guitar Hero:

More often than not, a dude who pulls out a guitar looks and behaves like a total douche. We’ve all seen it before: some jerk trying to impress the ladies with his badass skills banging out Coldplay as hard as he can. Ugh.

Well, imagine that douche . . . now take away the guitar and replace it with a plastic video game controller. We’re even worse than that loser, because we’re pretending to be him, all the while tapping our feet and clicking our fingers with the same proud idiocy that the real-life jerk performs with.”

Considered yourselves warned, Guitar Hero-wannabes.

Site [South Park Blog] Via [Kotaku]

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