Gamertell

March 27, 2008 - 1:41 pm ET - My wife brings in a box from Bawls that had been sitting outside for a little while. I guess that makes the contents naturally chilled. Besides the obvious “Fragile” sticker, it has a blue round sticker that reads, “BOUNCE WITH BAWLS”.

1:43 - I open the box and see that Bawls has shipped an actual case (16) of Bawls’ latest product, called G33K B33R. I snap a few pics and check out the label:

1:49 - I open the first bottle. It’s a screw-top cap (ooh, classy). I sniff the brew and it certainly smells like regular root beer.

1:50 - First Sip. It tastes like root beer. Nothing special and slightly less fizzy than your average root beer. I attribute that to the shipping conditions since the bottle had a little top fizz when they arrived. Unless of course the extra caffeine is weighing down the bubbles.

1:52 - Second sip. Still has that root beer taste. No hint of any extra ingredients, though my tongue is starting to tingle a little more than normal.

I read the ingredients list. Pretty short with nothing special except that caffeine is listed as its own ingredient. The line after the eight ingredients reads: “Warning: This product contains high levels of caffeine.”

I read that line to my wife and she says, “Are you sure you should be drinking that. It is 2 o’clock and you’ll probably never go to sleep.”

We typically go to bed at 2 am.

1:54 - I decide nature wasn’t quite cool enough today and pour it in a glass over ice. It produces a nice head that lingers for a while. The head is a little less thick and less sweet than standard root beer. It’s also white and not quite the color of the beverage, which has the typical dark, caramel color of root beer.

1:57 - A few more sips. No surge of energy but my teeth start to ache from the sugar (I don’t normally drink colas/sodas/pops or even put much sugar in my coffee or tea).

1:58 - I offer a sip to my wife who flat out rejects it. She is breastfeeding, after all, and we’d like our Baby Gamer to sleep sometime today.

2:00 - The ice seems to have diluted the brew and slightly mellows the flavor.

2:01 - I start to feel slightly more awake. I had a small (late) breakfast and starting to think I should have eaten something heavier than a home-made corn muffin, decaf coffee with milk (no sugar) and a Kroger’s cinnamon roll (yeah, yeah - breakfast of a friggin’ champion).

2:04 - Now I can discern a very slight fruity taste with each sip, likely the guarana. I check online to see what the heck guarana even is. Here’ is what Guarana.com offers:

Guarana (pronounced gwa-ra-naa) is a berry that grows in Venezuela and the northern parts of Brazil. The name ‘Guarana’ comes from the Guarani tribe that lives in Brazil. Guarana plays a very important role in their culture, as this herb is believed to be magical, a cure for bowel complaints and a way to regain strength… Guarana contains a high amount of guaranine, a chemical substance with the same characteristics as caffeine. This makes Guarana a stimulant similar to coffee…

Theoretically, it is possible to overdose on caffeine or guarana. The fatal dose has been estimated at 10 grams of pure caffeine / guaranine (taken at once!). Guarana seeds contain maximal 10% caffeine, so when you would swallow at least 100 grams guarana seeds at once, things start to look ugly. Our advice: don’t even think about it.

So, it’s a berry with fruit qualities. My pallet has served me well. I’ll be sure not to drink more than one bottle so I don’t overdose.

2:08 -  About 2/3 through the bottle and starting to feel it a little more. I’ve gotten used to the sugary consistency (the ice mostly diluted the top).

2:10 - I take a small sipping break and notice that my mouth has a sugary root beer coating. Not unpleasant or overpowering. The back of my tongue is also a little dry, likely due to the sugar.

I hold the bottle and notice the bumpy texture all around the bottle, making it look and feel a bit spikey much like other Bawls products. The bottle is brown, reinforcing the root beer-ed-ness of the product. I also notice that my hand is slightly shaking (which is not normal).

2:15 - Back to drinking. The fizz is almost gone now, which seems pretty fast for a root beer. I check the label and carbonated water is the main ingredient, which likely indicates this is a flavored beverage instead of brewed.

2:23 - About an inch to go in my glass of brew. The fizz is gone, the root beer flavor is much more faint (I’m probably desensitized to it and the ice melting like contributes) and I’m pretty awake.

2:26 - I down the last few swallows. There is none of the froth residue left on the glass typical of a brewed root beer. Instead there are a couple dozen small specs of bubbles evenly distributed along the non-sipping side. The ice is also smooth, unlike ice let at the end of most sodas which look a bit pitted. There is also minimal root beer - sorry, G33K B33R - flavor left on the ice.

2:32 - My heart rate seems to be slightly elevated, though I’m not edgy. I’m certainly awake. I do get a small headache that goes away and momentarily returns a few times.

2:25 - My temples feel a bit tight (pre-headachy) for a few minute and then it goes away. I’ve definitely been hit sooner and harder by a larger coffee than by G33K B33R.

2:39 - I check Guanara.com‘s Facts page again to see what I can expect from the beverage. (I also notice that my typing is getting less accurate and more erratic).

A few more facts about Guarana from the site:

• quickens perceptions (good for gaming)
• delays sleep (good for marathon LAN parties)
• helps with endurance-based activities (aka videogames)
• can help to recover from a hangover
• impairs the appetite (read: less money spent on snacks)
• will lead to more frequent visits to the toilet (oh no - very bad for gaming)
• causes a higher blood pressure and an increased heart rate (of course, so do good games)
• can make you feel jittery and may prevent sleep at all (OK for today but bad for tomorrow)

Another danger, besides the one listed earlier, is, “As with all stimulants, dependency may occur.”

Well crap, now I might be addicted. OK, not really.

2:43 - I notice I’m feeling a little light headed and know I should have eaten something more substantial. Of course, many gamers will likely not be dipping their hands into snack bowls while gaming (grease and crumbs do not help thumb controller).

2:50 - I feel a small heart rate surge and my headache is a little worse (though still pretty small).

2:54 - Suddenly I have a craving for Cheetos. OK, that might be unrelated or maybe just a soda-and-snack association.

3:06 - Now I’m thirsty (likely a result of the sugar) and have a bigger headache. I start drinking a glass of ice water.

3:40 - First post-G33K B33R pee. Clear, relatively unscented. About 10 seconds long (aren’t you glad you read this far?) Heart rate sill slightly higher than normal but steady. Headache still kickin’.

4:08 - Actually might have to pee again. Hope it’s not psychological from reading all the info on it, otherwise I’ll be completely dehydrated by the end of the night. Headache is starting ti dissipate but a small odd stink has developed way back in my throat as well as a very small stomach ache. It would certainly not keep me from eating those Cheetos I was craving earlier.

4:12 - Headache makes a small resurgence.

4:15 - Another potty stop. Second verse, same as the first. Headache has settled back to slight status again. Stomach is normal and I’m almost through my glass of water.

4:18 - Just burped and, ugh, it was acid-y with a hint of root beer. Wishing I had coated that with the fake-y cheese goodness of Cheetos, Doritos or something more flavorful. End of the water helps. Headache continues to rise and fall. Luckily, no dizziness.

4:23 - Starting to feel my pulse pick up again. Headache is clearly at my temples now. Going for more water.

4:31 - Ugh, another acid-y burp. At least this one was flavorless, which I hope indicates the G33K B33R is pretty much settled or working its way out.

4:36 - Headache seems to have (at least momentarily) gone. I feel only slightly jittery and strangely, simultaneously tired and energetic. Also experienced another damn acid burp and (dammit) and I have to pee again. I hope that’s not a psychosomatic reaction to reading about the effects of guarana.

4:44 - Third verse, same as the first. I’m convinced that either A) I cannot hold my water or B) expect a few extra quick trips to the WC when drinking G33K B33R . The headache made a quick and slight reappearance and went away. The small stomach annoyance has turned into simple hunger.

5:07 - Finally had a normal., non-acid-y burp. Ate a bit of home-made pasta salad and did a couple quick chores. I definitely have more energy but also got a little sweaty at the back of my neck while emptying the dishwasher, which is unusual. Heart rate seems normal.

5:16 - Starting to feel a bit more settled down. Think I’ll play some Space Ace (Blue-Ray) and see if my reaction time is better than yesterday.

5:55 - Fourth verse, longer than the first. Headache is completely gone now, as are the acid burps and any sign of a weird stomach. Still pretty awake but starting to get that got-up-a-little-too-early feeling.

6:15 - I don’t do much better on Space Ace today than I did yesterday. If anything, I do a bit worse even on the easiest setting. Space Ace is an older arcade game which requires a lot of quick and precise movements.

6:24 - Feeling pretty normal now. We’ll see how awake (or tired) I am much later.

8:16 - Had a few moments of slightly accelerated heart rate in the last hour while sitting at the computer, but it passed after a few minutes. Actually starting to feel a little tired, possibly experiencing a little bit of caffeine withdrawal since I’m not usually tied at this time.

11:10 - Now I have that over tired, somewhat edgy feeling and a slight burn way back in my throat, which are typically symptoms of being up too late. Since I’m usually up for a few more hours, it’s a little unusual though not uncomfortable.

March 28. 2008 - 11:00 am - Fell asleep last night with no problem. No crazy dreams (well, no crazier than normal), though I did wake up with a slight headache. No after tastes or stomach oddities.

CONCLUSIONS:

• G33K B33R tastes pretty good, just like a regular ol’ root beer with the slightest hint of fruit. It would probably work pretty well in an ice cream float.
• It’s best cold and consumed right away, otherwise it loses much of its fizz. Ice may actually help bring out the tiniest guarana flavor.
• Avoid drinking it on am empty stomach, otherwise you might get extra jittery or, later, a few tastes of acid.
• Plan to take several trips to the rest room. Make sure your game has a Pause function and the other gamers are amiable to a few pee breaks.
• Follow it with water to help avoid a caffeine burst and maintain hydration (and avoid large headaches).
• One or two in a day might be OK with no adverse effects, especially if you are used to caffeine. If you are at all sensitive to caffeine, act like an old person and avoid drinking within 4-5 hours of going to sleep.

Read [Guarana.com] Product Page [G33K B33R]