Gamertell

The Lame Game movie nights continue, as our columnist prepares herself for a whole new world of pain – the martial arts videogame movie. In every Lame Game movie night we watch a double feature of similarly themed game movies that we love or love to hate, in order to gain a deeper appreciation of the genre. This week, we’re all about the fisticuffs, as we endure the one-two punch of Mortal Kombat (1995) and DOA: Dead or Alive (2006).

The evening begins with Mortal Kombat, a cheesy gem from 1995 that features above-average special effects, a killer soundtrack, and some of the better fan service moments moments for a mid-‘90’s movie. The film isn’t half bad, and it certainly doesn’t take itself very seriously, making it one of the easier lame game movies to swallow.

The premise follows the game’s plot fairly closely. Shang Tsung, an evil, all-powerful overlord of Outworld (a mystical outer dimension/realm - don’t ask), hosts an epic tournament and the best fighters from Earth and Outworld must fight to determine the fate of the Earth. The movie wisely centers on three of the main characters (Lui Kang, Johnny Cage, and Sonya Blade) as they travel to the other side. Each has a goal, though Kang’s is the strongest (he’s attempting to avenge his brother), making him the true protagonist. With the guidance of Raiden, Kang and the others battle their way to the top of the tournament.

Along the way, there are several cameos from series favorite characters, including Goro, Sub Zero, Scorpion and Kitana (whom also gives Kang a good bit of guidance). The fight scenes are intense and well-choreographed, with a booming techno soundtrack and good-for-1995 special effects to spice things up a bit.

True to the game series, the movie is cheesy and over the top, but good fun if you’re in the right mood for it. In fact, despite the ‘90’s vibe and lame acting, the film was infinitely more enjoyable than the night’s other offering: the abysmal DOA.

Dead Or Alive is bad. It knows that its bad, and I know that its bad, and the experience of watching it is akin to whatever Uwe Boll trainwreck is showing at your local Cineplex to an audience of two. The plot is remarkably similar to Mortal Kombat‘s – the best fighters from around the world are invited to an epic martial arts tournament. Only, instead of an evil sorcerer, the host is a pervy billionaire, and instead of fighting for the safety of earth, the combatants are after a $10 million prize.

One thing that the movie gets right is the attention to presentation. Every effort is made to make the film look and feel like the game. From the tournament match-up screens to the on-screen health bars (explained as the way in which opponents are matched and tracked through some kind of Star Trek-esque nanotechnology), right down to the copious panty shots, DOA the film looks just like the DOA game.

Unfortunately, this attention to detail didn’t get translated into the script (the writing is abysmal) or the acting. Some of the performances are better than others. Jaime Pressly is actually pretty good, if a little over the top, as Tina Armstrong, and Sarah Carter is decent as Helena Douglas, but the general feeling is that the actors showed up, said their lines and probably got paid at the end of the day.

In fact, about the only person I really believed was the nerdy computer assistant who spends his time ogling the girls as they undergo their physicals before the competition. Actually, this may be a bit of underhanded commentary – are the viewers of this film supposed to relate to the loser who gets off to half naked women beating each other up? Isn’t that the point of DOA? And if so, what does that say about the audience, or more specifically, the filmmaker’s feelings about its audience?

In any event, both films are cheesy, but Mortal Kombat has a great deal more integrity (and excuse - it is, after all, a product of the mid ‘90’s) than DOA does for its goofy bits. Mortal Kombat also has a bit of a nostalgia factor that helps ease the pain a bit, though DOA is still vaguely enjoyable in the “bad movie that doesn’t take itself seriously” sort of way.

Lame Game Movie Ratings

Game factor:
- Mortal Kombat: 8/10 Follows the storyline, has all the characters, and features plenty of fighting.
- Dead or Alive: 9/10 follows the game’s presentation to the letter.

Pain factor:
- MK: 5/10 It’s cheesy and wacky, but still moderately watchable.
- DOA: 8/10 the dialogue alone will make you cry for mercy.

Best salve for the experience:
- Watch a little UFC and let reality hit you in the face a few times.

Read [Joystiq]

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