Gamertell

If you ever want to read something that is so funny yet thought provoking, you have to check out a commentary-style feature on Gamer Help called Video Game Karma-geddon by Barf Deity.

It’s not what he says that makes it so funny, its that you can so totally identify who he’s ranting about and the supporting photos.

His first rant, titled “Online Griefers,“ features an old photo of Hilter and a description of the people he’s identified as Online Griefers.

“The Crime: Online griefers are responsible for the following, plus a whole lot more: Acting like an idiot online; spouting racial and homosexual slurs to random strangers; cheating with hacks; team killing; in short, ruining the online experience for everyone else while also being a giant ball of failure.“

Wait. It gets better when he suggests a form of punishment befitting of the crime. For the online griefer, Deity suggests they receive the same abuse they unleash on the internet world only for real in the real world, but in a more colorful way.

The one that got me going fell under the title: “People who buy up Wiis so they can sell them on eBay.“ I’m sure Wii is used as an example because I remember my search for the PS3 60GB console and not finding a single on in the stores. Yet, strangely there’s an overabundance of them on eBay for far more than the system really costs and those priced below $200 were either broken or missing key pieces of the system to make it work in the first place.

But just as the previous title, it gets better when Diety suggests that:

“everyone guilty of doing this will come down with a stomach virus that gives them explosive diarrhea and large amounts of smelly gas,“ he wrote. “The good news is that there is a cheap and readily available medication that will alleviate the symptoms for 24 hours. The bad news, for them at least, is that every store is sold out and the only way to get the medication is on eBay, where the price per pill has nearly quadrupled. We suggest you stay close to the toilet and keep the windows open, jerks.“

His next target is fanboys, which he describes as the kissing cousin of the online griefer except that a fanboy expresses fond hatred for game consoles they do not own. Diety’s solution to the matter? Filling their hateful blogs with rosy praises for the very consoles they claim to hate. “This will utterly confound the fanboys, and soon enough people will remember how to converse like actual human beings and not chemically-imbalanced lab monkeys,“ Diety explained in his blog.

But just so the griefers and fanboys won’t feel singled out for a good mob beat-down, Diety goes all out for lazy developers publishing garbage bin games, know it all politicians who really don’t know it all, irresponsible parents and pirates. For the full and colorful effect, you simply must check out Diety’s Video Game Karma-geddon. You’ll relate to what he’s saying in at least one of the categories, if not two or three.

Read [Gamer Help]

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